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Featured in: Dating, Courtship, Marriage
In the Baha’i teachings marriage is referred to as “a fortress for wellbeing” and family is considered a fundamental and indispensable unit of society and the mainstay of community life.
On March 19, 2025, the Universal House of Justice sent to the Baha’is of the world a seminal letter about family life and marriage. This letter focuses our attention on a “new conception of family” that “begins with a new conception of marriage”. I was moved and excited about this letter, as it was released on the 21st anniversary of the founding of my company, Marriage Transformation, and it seems to both affirm my work as a Baha’i-inspired marriage educator and coach and give us a vision of a wonderful new future for marriages and families. Like most people, I’m part of a marriage and extended family, and the letter is so encouraging to me about the importance of that.
When I think about developing these new conceptions, it seems like a creative invitation to frame marriage and family in potentially unfamiliar ways. A new conception of something means thinking about a new definition, a new framework, and new elements. It asks me to make a mental, emotional, and spiritual shift. For example, if I think about making an architectural drawing of a house and reconceptualize it, I begin to think about how to adjust the design based on what I want to take place inside of it, and then I edit the design based on those views. I envision respectful and equal interactions happening between the partners. I see the family involved in prayer, consultation, and service. I see an abundance of love. All these adjust the design and help me visualize a true Baha’i home that offers warm hospitality and contributes to building vibrant communities.
The letter introduces us to various areas of focus, two of which are:
“The family unit is the basic building block of community, and beyond, of the entire social order. Therefore, a society fashioned to meet the requirements of the age of the maturity of the human race requires both a mature conception of family and an ability to extend the insights derived from that conception to the relationships that shape the nation and the world.”1
“A new conception of family begins with a new conception of marriage. Baha’u’llah observes that marriage is not only ‘the key to the perpetuation of life for the peoples of the world’, but ‘the inscrutable instrument for the fulfilment of their destiny.’”1
If marriage is key to keeping life going on the planet and fulfilling our destiny as humanity, then I think this letter is a timely wake-up call. It makes me wonder: what would a family established on the foundation of a healthy marriage and functioning in full unity achieve?
“Note ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family, the affairs of that family are conducted; what progress the members of that family make, how they prosper in the world. Their concerns are in order, they enjoy comfort and tranquility, they are secure, their position is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but addeth to its stature and its lasting honor, as day succeedeth day.”2
Creating “New”
I have seen how the word “new” can elicit a variety of responses. It can be associated with “change,” which some find energizing while others resist, at least during a period of adjustment. To realize the new conceptions, I believe it requires us to practice the virtue of creativity, followed by the virtues of purposefulness and perseverance. We can apply the community-building practices of study, consultation, action, and reflection to discover elements of these new conceptions and then to determine the day-to-day words and actions needed to fulfill them. I think being in learning-in-action mode is vital in the process.
The Family Life-Marriage letter of March 19th includes 12 occurrences of the word “new”:
How exciting and challenging to adjust our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls to all this “new”!
Shifting to New Conceptions
In the culture where I live in the United States—and I believe in many other places around the world–marriage is often disrespected and devalued or unhealthy, and the definition of family has become very broad. However, in restoring respect for marriage and family, we are seemingly being called to view them through a new lens and to embrace new learning and growth.
When I refer to the current societal and science-based views of marriages and families, and listen to commonly expressed observations of them, I see many challenges. I see many people naturally conclude, for example, that conflict is a normal part of marriages and families. They don’t yet understand the importance of harmonious consultation and the respect inherent in practicing the equality of women and men, both of which are foundational to new conceptions of marriage and family in the Baha’i teachings.
When I ask my clients about their experiences with marriage and family, I often hear that they’ve observed their parents, friends, or themselves struggling with divorce, conflict, or abuse, which leads them to question whether to be involved. They sometimes feel they can manage without marriage and disconnect from family members.
Maybe, as each of us strives to build communities and as we interact with friends and relatives, we can serve people by inviting them into the creative process of developing a new understanding (conception) of marriage and family. I’m hopeful that as couples enter into marriage and family life prepared with a clear understanding of key spiritual principles, practical knowledge, and skills, they can achieve unity through a continuous learning-in-action approach. As families build harmonious neighborhoods and communities, they will see new ways of building unity in their marriages and families. The Baha’i guidance can offer fresh perspectives for individuals and couples. Newly conceived views of marriage and family become a compelling and appealing choice. This creative act could ask us to look toward an unknown but glorious future and assess: “What do we do now that makes it possible for marriages and families to thrive now and in the future?”
You can read and study the letter from the House of Justice on marriage and family life on the Baha’i Reference Library. I’ve also shared some additional ideas and reflections in a document as part of my work at Marriage Transformation.
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