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Featured in: Dating, Courtship, Marriage
In the Baha’i teachings marriage is referred to as “a fortress for wellbeing” and family is considered a fundamental and indispensable unit of society and the mainstay of community life.
The creative energy released by the Universal House of Justice’s letter about marriage and family life is influencing and growing within us, our marriages, and our work on marriage education. How is the statement affecting you and your life?
“A new conception of family begins with a new conception of marriage. Baha’u’llah observes that marriage is not only ‘the key to the perpetuation of life for the peoples of the world’, but ‘the inscrutable instrument for the fulfilment of their destiny.’”1
The phrases “perpetuation of life”, “inscrutable instrument”, and “fulfillment of destiny” are thought-provoking and transformative. Regardless of one’s age or level of experience, it seems to us that individuals and couples must be purposeful in preparing for relationships and marriage if they are to fulfill this amazing vision. Just as driving requires learning, preparation, and a driver’s test, and just as becoming a professional requires training, any new skills we want to learn require thoughtful preparation and learning. How much more so does building a life of purpose and an eternal commitment within a marriage and family also deserve thoughtful preparation?
In fact, when guiding us about the preservation of marriage, the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice writes, “Careful preparation for marriage is an essential first step in the preservation of Bahá’í marriage.”2 Tying “preservation” to “preparation” may then lead us to choices and actions before we decide to marry.3 Furthermore, the Universal House of Justice guides us regarding specific actions we can take before marriage:
“You are right to consider the matter very carefully because a Baha’i should enter into married state with the full intention of establishing a union that will not only be life-long but will be an eternal companionship in all the worlds of God.
“A married couple can be a tremendous strength and support to each other, but building a strong, united marriage requires persistence, effort, and the overcoming of many difficulties together. Thus Abdu’l-Baha advises a young couple to get to know each other’s characters thoroughly before taking this very important step. They must think not only of the effect on each other but of the effects of their characters on the children who will be the fruit of the marriage.”4
There is so much to reflect on from these paragraphs: “consider…very carefully”, “eternal companionship”, “requires persistence, effort, and the overcoming of many difficulties”, “to get to know each other’s characters thoroughly”, and “effects of their characters on the children”. So many opportunities exist to prepare yourself—community service, study circles, books, courses, individual deepening, group discussions, as well as drawing from the knowledge and experience of coaches and therapists.
In our part of the world, the theoretical and applied study of relationships, marriage, parenting, and family focuses on enhancing knowledge, skills, and capacity in individuals, couples, and families for their current circumstances–along with preventing future issues. Effective education incorporates Baha’i guidance, findings from scientific research, and the experiences of professionals to empower people to build marriages that bring healthy, happy stability and unity to families and communities. We have found that when we apply the wealth of guidance in the Baha’i teachings to our learning process, we are powerfully equipped to establish marriages and families that center around both personal transformation and service to humanity’s progress.
Study, self-growth, and action can prepare individuals to become increasingly healthy in gaining and refining the virtues and qualities necessary to be successful partners in relationships and marriage. We believe that skillfulness in getting to know the character of a partner during courtship is then essential. When a pattern of learning is established as a priority before marriage, couples are more likely to keep building their knowledge and skills throughout their marriage’s ups and downs, parenting, and interacting with their extended family members and communities. Ideally, this type of education and a pattern of learning-in-action continue throughout the lifespan of couples and families.
We find it additionally inspiring that education about marriage and family life can become part of the culture of a community through the medium of study circles. For example, Book 12 of the Ruhi Institute is titled “Family and Community”. Its first unit covers “The Institution of Marriage” and explores both marriage preparation and concepts related to marriage. The second unit focuses on the family. To combine that book with this recent gift of the 19 March 2025 letter from the Universal House of Justice is a bounty indeed.
Taking a broad view of a marriage preparation process, we wonder whether you might see it like we do. Ideally, it begins with parents nurturing good character in their children and helping them experience the security of their parents’ united marriage. The process then includes the education of children in developing spiritual qualities, understanding their own character, learning about true friendship, and gaining skills in the art of consultation. This occurs in the home, school, and community, including through children’s classes and junior youth groups. Character training and capacity-building can continue as youth acquire skills needed for marriage and parenting, for example, while they teach children’s classes and animate junior youth groups. Through participating in the main sequence of Ruhi courses, participants strengthen their dual moral purposes of self-development and improving the world, along with their commitment to the Baha’i Covenant and spiritual habits.
You might want to consider and include some of these key aspects of marriage preparation in your own endeavours:
We view learning about marriage as supportive for couples as they consider marriage, and wise to continue this process throughout their lifespan. If you are interested in further exploration of this topic with us, for over 20 years, we have been developing and publishing marriage preparation materials based on the Baha’i teachings. Marriage Transformation also offers relationship and marriage preparation courses. You can imagine our joy at reading the 19 March 2025 marriage and family life letter from the Universal House of Justice. If you want to study it again, you can read it in full on the Baha’i Reference Library.
Additional ideas are also available on Bahaimarriage.net.
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Baha’i beliefs address essential spiritual themes for humanity’s collective and individual advancement. Learn more about these and more.
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