At some point in our lives, we all suffer from illnesses of the body or the mind and we face tests and difficulties. This collection highlights resources dedicated to physical and spiritual health and well-being, healing, resilience and overcoming challenges.
Feeling My Emotions: A Reflection on Anger, Grief & Anxiety
In recovering from the abuse and traumatic events of my childhood, I frequently read or have been told that recovery involves feeling my emotions. I’ve been called an “emotional quadriplegic” because I live in my head and don’t feel anything below my neck. Why am I so resistant? Prevailing wisdom would say it’s my way to stay safe, and avoid feeling the unbearable pain of all the betrayals and losses and abuses I’ve experienced. As always when I’m confused, I want to know what the Baha’i Writings have to say.
I’m encouraged to read that Abdu’l-Baha teaches us:
From the beginning of time sorrow and anxiety, regret and tribulation, have always been the lot of every loyal servant of God.1
And yet He also says:
The natural emotions are blameworthy and are like rust which deprives the heart of the bounties of God.2
Let’s look at what the Baha’i Faith teaches about specific emotions:
Anger
Here we see that anger is to be avoided because it affects the liver and feels like hell.
Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver: avoid these two as you would a lion.3
…think ye of hostility and hatred as the torments of hell.4
And should he direct his anger and wrath against the bloodthirsty tyrants who are like ferocious beasts, this too would be most praiseworthy. But should he display these qualities under other conditions, this would be deserving of blame.5
I wrote to the Universal House of Justice one time, asking how I could deal with the anger I felt at having been abused as a child. It replied:
As a devoted believer you are urged to strive to develop forgiveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. By this means, you can liberate yourself from the anger to which you refer in your letter, and foster your own spiritual development.6
So here we learn a tool for liberating us from anger through a process for forgiveness (striving to develop it in one’s heart, not with the other person) and recognize that there are consequences for their behaviour (unhappiness and separation from God).
Someone else asked a similar question and got even more specific guidance:
You ask how to deal with anger. The House of Justice suggests that you call to mind the admonitions found in our Writings on the need to overlook the shortcomings of others; to forgive and conceal their misdeeds, not to expose their bad qualities, but to search for and affirm their praiseworthy ones, and to endeavour to be always forbearing, patient, and merciful […] There are qualities in everyone which we can appreciate and admire, and for which we can love them; and perhaps, if you determine to think only of these qualities which your husband possesses, this will help to improve the situation […] You should turn your thoughts away from the things which upset you, and constantly pray to Baha’u’llah to help you. Then you will find how that pure love, enkindled by God, which burns in the soul when we read and study the Teachings, will warm and heal, more than anything else.7
Sadness/Grief
Baha’u’llah says:
Let not thine heart grieve over what hath befallen thee.8
Abdu’l-Baha tells us:
Yield not to grief and sorrow; they cause the greatest misery.9
Why not yield? Abdu’l-Baha counsels us:
Grief and sorrow do not come to us by chance, they are sent to us by the Divine Mercy for our own perfecting.10
He also assures us that in the next life, we’ll be amply compensated for all that we’ve lost:
Let neither despondency nor despair becloud the serenity of thy life or restrain thy freedom. These days shall pass away. We will, please God, in the Abha Kingdom and beneath the sheltering shadow of the Blessed Beauty, forget all these our earthly cares and will find each one of these base calumnies amply compensated by His expressions of praise and favour.11
And He gives us the antidote:
Rely upon God. Trust in Him. Praise Him, and call Him continually to mind. He verily turneth trouble into ease, and sorrow into solace, and toil into utter peace. He verily hath dominion over all things.12
Fear/Anxiety
Baha’u’llah teaches us:
Say to them that are of a fearful heart: be strong, fear not, behold your God.13
Eschew anxiety (al-hamma) and depression (al-ghamm) for through these twain will transpire a darksome affliction.14
I really love this excerpt from a prayer attributed to Abdu’l-Baha:
O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.15
So if I’m not focused, or dwelling, on emotions, what should I focus on? There’s a Cherokee legend I like very much which explains it simply:
One evening, an elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace love, hope serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson though about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:
“Which wolf wins?…”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one that you feed.”16
We’re only human, after all, and can’t expect to be anywhere near perfect in achieving this high standard for letting go of our emotions, so it gives me great comfort to remember this assurance from the National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha’is of Canada:
To be required to be happy and assured, while busily serving the Cause, can raise in us more than a little anxiety. The Faith brings each one of us crises as well as victories. Our own lives and even the lives of the central Figures of the Faith have been fraught with agony as well as blessing, with failure and frustration and grief, as frequently as with progress. This is the nature of life.17
And also:
The lives of the Founders of our Faith clearly show that to be fundamentally assured does not mean that we live without anxieties, nor does being happy mean that there are not periods of deep grief when, like the Guardian, we wrap ourselves in a blanket, pray and supplicate, and give ourselves time for healing in preparation for the next great effort.17
While it’s probably important for me to feel and acknowledge my emotions instead of stuffing them, it’s good to know I can feed other aspects of my character and I am grateful!
Abdu’l-Baha, from a tablet to Bahiyyih Khanum, The Baha’i World, Vol 5 [↩]
Abdu’l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 244-245 [↩]
Baha’u’llah, quotes in Baha’u’llah and the New Era [↩]
Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, pp. 243-246 [↩]
Susan Gammage, MES, Certified Life Coach, author, educator and researcher, maintains an active Baha'i-inspired life coaching practice, which focuses on applying Baha'i principles to day-to-day situations. She is the author of "Violence and Abuse: Reasons and Remedies", a compilation of quotes from the Baha'i Writings and is currently working on several other books including a Baha'i Perspective on "Overcoming Anxiety and Depression"; "The Courage to be Chaste in a Sexual World"; the "Baha'i Marriage Manual" and "The Spiritual Roots of Disease". Visit her Bookstore; get your Free E-Books ; sign up for her Newsletter; and follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin.
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